Balance

I am often asked by people outside of the surrogacy community how I am able to carry a baby for someone else.  I am also frequently asked how IPs can handle having a woman carry their baby and be comfortable with the situation.  I find that the easiest way to explain this unique relationship is that it is focused on balance.

I have yet to discover a situation where an extreme is a good thing and surrogacy is no exception.  Balance is a critical component to a successful journey.  It is not an easy task to under go fertility treatments and carry a baby for someone else, but it is equally daunting to have someone else carrying your unborn child(ren).  It is in this fine balance of emotions and logistics that surrogacy is successful and mutually beneficial.

Most, if not all, women who apply to be surrogates LOVE being pregnant.  There are many reasons women pursue being a surrogate, but this is always one of the main forces.  There is a "type" of woman that applies.  She is healthy and enjoys pregnancy and is not ready to be done with it even if her family is complete.  I have had more then one applicant tell me that she feels a little selfish because she is enjoying the pregnancy so much, that she feels too lucky.  Outside of the surrogacy community, it is hard to find someone who understands this pregnancy elation.  Many people, men and women, have told me that I am crazy to put myself through it and are beyond doubtful when I try to explain to them that I actually enjoy it.  I try promote awareness of the surrogacy community for the greater good, but I also just want people to think outside the box a little.

I can only imagine how difficult is must be to place your unconditional trust in a woman to "grow" your baby.  I see it every day, and it still amazes me on a regular basis.  It is my job to make sure that intended parents are provided with the best match possible, but it is always a huge leap of faith.  I have discovered many IPs begin this process have the philosophy to keep their eye on the prize and think about the end result...a baby.  Somewhere along the line, many IPs actually begin to enjoy the process and are able to experience the pregnancy and the joys it brings.

To be able to find the words to make a skeptic understand surrogacy is impossible, but to show them would be easy.  You can see it in the joy on any IP's face when they see their baby's first ultrasound or hear their heartbeat for the very first time.  To be able to share that with someone, to be part of that miracle, is indescribable!

Gestational vs Traditional

I am often asked to explain the differences and advantages of each type of surrogacy.  I try to be as honest and unbiased as possible, but that can be challenging at times.  Traditional surrogacy is when a woman is the genetic parent to the child and donates her egg in addition to her womb.  A gestational surrogate (or carrier) is someone who is not genetically related to the child(ren) they will be carrying, and only donates her uterus.

Not all agencies deal with both gestational (GS) and traditional (TS) surrogacy.  Pink & Blue does work with both, but the demand for GS is much higher.  It is hard for me to find reasons to guide IP(s) in the direction of TS, but there are situations where is is the best option.  TS is much more complicated legally and emotionally and has much more risk associated with it.  It also has a much more limited pool of women to offer their help, there are many more limitations with a TS.  When you utilize a GS you only have to evaluate her ability to carry your child(ren) safely.  When you embark on a TS journey, not only is she going to "grow" your child(ren), she is their genetic parent.  On paper, it is almost always best to choose the route of GS.  You are able to choose ideal components to ensure you best outcome for a successful and healthy pregnancy.  Most IPs that choose the route of TS are looking for a less medically invasive or mort economical route to having a child.

Only the intended parent(s) can make the decision and know what is the best choice for them, but it is my job to make sure they are aware of all of their options before doing so.  In both scenarios, the quality of the match is still a critical decision.