Sending lots of Baby Dust and Sticky Vibes!!!

I love Spring!  It is a busy time with so much new life and growth, families included.  The next month is busy with egg retrievals, embryo transfers, and pregnancy tests.  I am so excited for all the potential and can't wait to hear the news of those + tests.

Step by step...

Surrogacy is a complex and intimidating process.  It can be overwhelming to consider all of the pieces involved.  Egg donors, surrogates, doctors, nurses, lawyers, escrow agents, psychologists, coordinators, intended parents, etc.  Whew, that is a lot of people to keep organized and moving along.  It is no wonder that most IPs have a panic attack once they decide to move forward with surrogacy.  What, when who, how???  All good questions running through their mind.  This is a moment I truly enjoy, when I am able to take them and guide them through the seemingly impossible maze and watch the relief and enjoyment from their perspective. They are able to savor their journey and release the burden that was weighing on them.  When they are holding their child(ren) for the very first time, I want them to look back on the whole journey with a positive light.  I enjoy the planning, organizing, scheduling, etc.  I can't imagine a better way to spend my days then helping amazing people grow their families.

Clinic Options

I have never put a lot of thought into the importance of clinic choice until recently.  I am shocked at how much variation is out there in clinic protocol.  I have worked with clinics all over the country and yet to see a real consensus between them.  There are major differences in who they will work with or deem eligible, the medications used and the dosage and duration, the way the embryos are created and grown, when and how they are transferred, how much they charge, etc.  For some IPs these factors are not important to them, they just want a great clinic with a good track record.  The details of how, what, where and when are a non issue.  For most IPs, the clinic choice is a really important detail, they want to pick the right clinic.  I am often a part of this choice and responsible for providing information needed to help IPs choose the right clinic for them.  I would say that cost, location and success rates are often the most important factors for IPs when choosing a clinic.  I think it is important for clinics to be accommodating in their scheduling, especially when we are working with so many active people in the process.  It can very complex and challenging to schedule and manage the intended parent(s), their surrogate, and possibly and egg donor and/or sperm donor (all of them most likely located in different locations).  I have come to have wonderful working relationships with many nurse coordinators and think that has had a very positive outcome on many of our journeys.

Renewed!

I just returned from a trip visiting my 1st surro-baby, S.  She is going on 3 and 1/2 and is an amazing little girl.  I was really excited for this trip for a handful of reasons.  I haven't seen her in awhile and was curious about how she would perceive our unique relationship.  Would she know who I was, would she understand about the pregnancy, would she be comfortable with me?  All of my doubts vanished the moment she greeted me at the door with a jump-into-my arms hug.  The huge smile on her face melted my heart and made me remember the very first time I met her parents.  I am thankful that I have such a wonderful relationship with my first set of IPs.  I adore them both and really enjoy the time I get to spend with them.  Our relationship has always been very natural and rather easy to manage.

I know that many IPs and surrogates do not feel this way about their relationships and struggle with the "walking on eggshells" tension between them.  I really believe that if you have a great match and it is managed properly, all those uneasy feelings disappear.  I am headed to visit my 2nd surro-baby, D, in a few weeks and feel like a I hit the jackpot.  I have an amazing relationship with her and her parents, and I am so happy to be a part of their lives.  I know they are grateful for the gift that I have given them, but I feel grateful to them as well.  They chose to let me be part of their lives and their amazing journey.  That is a huge honor to me, and something that I do not take lightly.  I think many people misjudge how many surrogates feel about surrogacy and the emotional ties.  It is a huge decision, but it is a mutual one.  When the relationship is mutual, it is balanced and often very successful.

Spending the time with S and seeing how happy she is and how well adjusted gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment that is hard to describe.  I certainly do not take credit for the person who she is today, that is all because of her parents.  Yet...there is a part of me that takes a little claim because she grew inside me and I nurtured her for those 9+ months.  Spending time with her also asserted my stand that children understand surrogacy better then adults.  The story of her pregnancy and delivery do not seem unusual to her, she has no predetermined sense of what a family should or shouldn't be.  I think that more adults need to keep an open mind about surrogacy and remember that if a 3 year can understand it, so can they ;-)

Balance

I am often asked by people outside of the surrogacy community how I am able to carry a baby for someone else.  I am also frequently asked how IPs can handle having a woman carry their baby and be comfortable with the situation.  I find that the easiest way to explain this unique relationship is that it is focused on balance.

I have yet to discover a situation where an extreme is a good thing and surrogacy is no exception.  Balance is a critical component to a successful journey.  It is not an easy task to under go fertility treatments and carry a baby for someone else, but it is equally daunting to have someone else carrying your unborn child(ren).  It is in this fine balance of emotions and logistics that surrogacy is successful and mutually beneficial.

Most, if not all, women who apply to be surrogates LOVE being pregnant.  There are many reasons women pursue being a surrogate, but this is always one of the main forces.  There is a "type" of woman that applies.  She is healthy and enjoys pregnancy and is not ready to be done with it even if her family is complete.  I have had more then one applicant tell me that she feels a little selfish because she is enjoying the pregnancy so much, that she feels too lucky.  Outside of the surrogacy community, it is hard to find someone who understands this pregnancy elation.  Many people, men and women, have told me that I am crazy to put myself through it and are beyond doubtful when I try to explain to them that I actually enjoy it.  I try promote awareness of the surrogacy community for the greater good, but I also just want people to think outside the box a little.

I can only imagine how difficult is must be to place your unconditional trust in a woman to "grow" your baby.  I see it every day, and it still amazes me on a regular basis.  It is my job to make sure that intended parents are provided with the best match possible, but it is always a huge leap of faith.  I have discovered many IPs begin this process have the philosophy to keep their eye on the prize and think about the end result...a baby.  Somewhere along the line, many IPs actually begin to enjoy the process and are able to experience the pregnancy and the joys it brings.

To be able to find the words to make a skeptic understand surrogacy is impossible, but to show them would be easy.  You can see it in the joy on any IP's face when they see their baby's first ultrasound or hear their heartbeat for the very first time.  To be able to share that with someone, to be part of that miracle, is indescribable!