Gestational vs Traditional

I am often asked to explain the differences and advantages of each type of surrogacy.  I try to be as honest and unbiased as possible, but that can be challenging at times.  Traditional surrogacy is when a woman is the genetic parent to the child and donates her egg in addition to her womb.  A gestational surrogate (or carrier) is someone who is not genetically related to the child(ren) they will be carrying, and only donates her uterus.

Not all agencies deal with both gestational (GS) and traditional (TS) surrogacy.  Pink & Blue does work with both, but the demand for GS is much higher.  It is hard for me to find reasons to guide IP(s) in the direction of TS, but there are situations where is is the best option.  TS is much more complicated legally and emotionally and has much more risk associated with it.  It also has a much more limited pool of women to offer their help, there are many more limitations with a TS.  When you utilize a GS you only have to evaluate her ability to carry your child(ren) safely.  When you embark on a TS journey, not only is she going to "grow" your child(ren), she is their genetic parent.  On paper, it is almost always best to choose the route of GS.  You are able to choose ideal components to ensure you best outcome for a successful and healthy pregnancy.  Most IPs that choose the route of TS are looking for a less medically invasive or mort economical route to having a child.

Only the intended parent(s) can make the decision and know what is the best choice for them, but it is my job to make sure they are aware of all of their options before doing so.  In both scenarios, the quality of the match is still a critical decision.

Organized and Flexible!

With each surrogacy journey I have come to appreciate these two characteristics more and more.  They are important for everyone involved in the process, and the more people involved the more important they become!  I find myself challenged, on an almost daily basis, to make sure to remind myself that surrogacy is a very fluid and dynamic process.  I try to reach out to IPs and be a source of support and a be a constant for them.  I want them to know that no matter the situation or changing circumstances, I will be there and that will not change.  I think this comfort can help them maintain the flexibility and accept everything as it comes at them.

Each time we begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the journey nears it's end, all the chaos and stress is always worth the end result.  The birth of the baby(ies) end the surrogacy journey, but start another amazing journey...Parenthood!  So in reality the surrogacy journey is an important tool and helps prepare IPs for the fluid and dynamic life as a mom or dad and helps exercise those important skills, organization and flexibility.

Families of all kinds...

Our society is overly focused on defining everything!  What I struggle with is who decides they are qualified to define anyone or anything.  I know that I feel comfortable deciding what is best for our family, but do not feel is my place to place these standards on other families.  I think these beliefs are reflected in our application process.  I am not asking intended parents to explain to me why they should be parents or even qualifying them as such.  It speaks volumes to me about someone just that they are preparing to embark on this journey.  Surrogacy can be emotionally and financially exhaustive, and if you are ready to start that journey...then you are ready to become parents.  Nothing in life is easy, having a family often falls into that category.  Instead of making these future parents bitter, they are driven to find ways to achieve their dreams.

Having a child never looks like a good idea on paper, they are expensive and extremely time consuming, (anyone with children reading this know exactly how much time and money is involved) and throwing surrogacy into the mix does not help paint a pretty picture.  What saves the day and our humanity is that children are the very best investment that we can make.  We can judge ourselves on how educated we are, how much money we make, how ofter we travel, but those are just a part of the puzzle.  The missing piece falls into place when you make that awesome decision to share yourself with a child.

There are all kinds of families in this world, how should we define them?  I don't think we should, that is what is so perfect about a family.  The only constant is that they are full of love.  We all need to remember this is how families are alike and not dwell on how they are different.

So exciting...gearing up for my last run!

I am beyond thrilled that I will be starting my 3rd and final surrogacy journey.  It has been my dream, as a surrogate, to do a sibling project.  My 1st journey was amazing, and I love my IPs and surrobaby S, but I can not say that I wasn't a little sad when they decided that one was the perfect number for them.  I thought I was going to jinx myself and never find a 2nd match that could be a good as my 1st....of coarse I was wrong.  My 2nd journey was amazing as well, and better in many ways.  There is something to be said for experience and the confidence and comfort that comes with it.  Sometimes it would make me more nervous, I felt like I had set the bar so high the first time, and was afraid of failing.  My 1st journey was record breaking...everything was a breeze and so fast.  11 months from the day we first met, Baby S was born.  I am still a little shocked that the 2nd one went even better (and slightly faster).  So here I am pushing my luck...and throwing my hat in for round 3!  I can not wait to make surrobaby D a big sister and be part of creating a family again.  I have told myself, from the day I made the decision to be a surrogate, that 3 would be my limit.  3 pregnancies for us and 3 pregnancies for "them".  I have affectionately referred to it as my six pack.  I have to remind myself to savor each step and remember it will be my last (my husband will be holding me to this ;-)

When I have women ask me why I do this or how I can do this...it is so hard to explain and I know that I can not put it into words that will make them understand.  I have discovered it is a personality trait that we don't all share and that is ok.  It has been amazing to meet other women who have this trait and help them realize their dream of being a surrogate.  So as I start my last journey, I know that it will be ok because I get to share the experience with the IPs and GCs that I help and who I have the honor of working with!

Happy New Year!

11 years ago tonight I was in labor with my first child, it was one of the most amazing days of my life.  On 12/31/99 I became a Mom and we welcomed our first child into the world.  That moment was life changing in so many ways and one of the biggest factors in why I chose to pursue surrogacy.  If anyone asks my husband what he enjoys most about the surrogacy experience, he will quickly answer the delivery.  To this day, 5 labor and deliveries later....he says it the the best part.  He loves sharing the experience with our IPs almost as much as he enjoyed it for himself.  Nothing motivates me more in that moment then the anticipation for his joy, it charges the room and all who are in it.  During our last delivery of Surrobaby #2 in May, he was affectionately named my "Dude-la".

My deepest congrats to all those who have achieved their dreams of parenthood in 2010, and for those who hope to in 2011!